Taking a card from Jennie over at She Likes Purple, I am going to list some things that make me happy. Yesterday was a really hard day for me. Church yesterday morning was great, but made my heart ache, and then I found out that a friend from high school is expecting. While I’m happy for her and her husband, I can’t help but feel jealous, frustrated and annoyed – guiltily so. Of course, it’s not directed at her, but at the situation entirely. I sort of hate that we’re at the point in our lives where everyone we know is having babies, because that makes our hurt that much stronger to see everyone’s healthy babies. I wouldn’t want it any other way, of course; I would NEVER wish upon anyone what we’ve gone through. But it just hurts somewhere deep inside. I spent most of the evening in tears. I’ve got so many fears and worries and frustrations right now. So thanks to Jennie for your inspiration on gaining perspective.
1. My amazing husband, who helps me up when I fall and holds me when I cry and allays my fears and frustrations with calm reason.
2. Having my family nearby. Although being close to them can, at times, be dizzying (since I’ve lived away for almost 10 years), it’s nice to be able to call on my sister, talk to my dad or ask my mom for a hug.
3. Our beautiful home. I’m so thankful for a roof over our heads, but we are so blessed to have such a beautiful roof (and walls and floors…). Our house is the perfect size and it fit our needs for a home, and it’s big enough to grow into while not being too big for us now. I’m so thankful we found this house.
4. Education. This is strange, I know, but I love to learn and I’m so thankful for the opportunities to continue my learning. I have so many things that I want to learn and at least 2 more degrees I want to get and I love being close to a good college where I can pursue my dreams, and am more than grateful to have a husband who supports my goals.
5. My pets. I love love love my cat and dog. They fight like siblings, chase each other around, and sometimes they are infuriating. But our cat curls up on my pillow or by my side to sleep, and our dog is always there to offer a hug or to cuddle or to go for a mind-calming walk. They are like therapy.
6. Books. I love to read, and I carry around my Kindle because reading makes me happy, helps calm my mind, and separates me from the world when I’m waiting in line at the grocery store, waiting for takeout at a restaurant, or need to distract my mind before I sleep. I thought I would hate having digital books because I love books so much, but I love that I’m never out of something to read, and that I can buy books anytime wirelessly (don’t get me wrong, I’m also a frequenter of the library because buying books, even discounted digital books is expensive), and that I can always find something that interests me. Currently reading: Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. I’ve also joined an online book club, and I’ve read two amazing books so far (one that I’d already read but read again just because it’s awesome), and can hardly wait to start April’s book, even though March isn’t even over. If you want to join, too, visit the Book Lushes site. (And go back and read January/February’s and March’s books, because they’re GREAT.)
Okay, goal accomplished. I’m smiling just thinking about all of these things.
I encourage you to stop and think happy thoughts when you’re down in the dumps. Although life will always give you lemons, sometimes rotten ones from which you can’t possibly make lemonade, life isn’t all rotten lemons, and sometimes you just need a little perspective to remember the good things.
Our Little Geekling 
Tara I’ve probably said it before and I will probably say it again. I just love reading your blog. Each time I read it I gain more and more respect for you. You are so amazing and so strong. I love how you are able to express how you feel so whole heartedly. I had a miscarriage a long time ago and I used to think the same thing. Everyone was getting pregnant having healthy babies “what about me”. I can’t imagine going through what you and Jim have gone through and even though you do hurt you and Jim seem to ride the waves together and bring yourself to the surface again. I loved reading everything you have to be happy about because really we all take the small thins in life for granted when we have so much to be thankful for. Sorry if I am rambling I just loved reading your post today. Like always I’m constantly praying for you guys. Oh I may join that book club of yours too lol. I always have my nose in a book as well.
Miss see your smiling face all the time.
loved this post! Think I’m going to have to do this.
Even though our situations are completely different I can relate in a way when friends tell you they are expecting. Javier & I struggled to concieve while everyone else made it look so easy. And that was after miscarrying our first pregnacy. It is all of those things that you described. I am sure you’ve heard this many time, but I truly believe God gives you what you need, maybe not what we are wanting at a specific time…but what we need. I hope in the end he blesses you and Jim with an addition of your own b/c I cannot think of more deserving people and ones that would make great parents.
Loved this post…but most of all love the image of you smiling in my head right now:)